As a female, beauty is a topic of importance. When we are young, we tend to take for granted that we will always have full, thick hair (or at least hair if we are blessed with thin, fine hair - like me), unwrinkled skin, and an easier time of losing weight when/if we choose to do so.
And then you hit your late 40s. Even a few years ago when I was in my early 40s, my mind still thought of me as being in my mid 20s. Something happened to that mindset while I was taking care of my father-in-law the past two years. I began to feel like I was the one who was 90, I began moving like I was 90, and I began to think like a 90-year-old. My day revolved around parking as close to the door as possible because my father-in-law could not walk as far, so that meant I did not walk as far either. I slowed w - - a - - y down. The only thing that did not slow down was our eating. My father-in-law had pretty much given up on eating, he missed his wife of 64 years. He missed her terribly. The only way we could get him to eat was to take him to a restaurant. My mother made sure us kids were members of the Clean-Plate-Club. What mother doesn't? And so I was a good member and I cleaned my plate every meal of that laden-with-calorie restaurant food.
Now that I have only the responsibility of myself and my husband, old habits have become hard to change. From the day we were married our life was helping my father-in-law, he was the center of our life. For the first several months after he passed away, it was hard for me to change my thinking patterns. I felt lost. I did not immediately jump back into my younger lifestyle or way of thinking. It has been a real struggle for the past year. Once our bodies begin moving slower and getting heavier, it is much harder to push them back into a faster mode of moving.
There are so many things I want to change with myself. I have gotten out of the habit of getting up at 5 a.m. to do my devotion and prayer time. I think quick meals instead of making everything from scratch. I used to plan my meals weekly and I knew when I needed to start each item on the menu, even if it needed to be made the day ahead. I have gotten lazy not just in that, but exercising also. I used to walk everyday, and do flexibility exercises, and 3 times a week I did toning exercises. I had a spring in my step. I could jump out of a chair or get up off the floor with ease. Now I can not even kneel on the floor. I have to physically push myself out of the chair with a lot of groans. And every morning I do the old people's shuffle because my feet and ankles hurt so bad. I have allowed myself to go downhill very fast. Shame on me. I have no one to blame but myself.
I am ready to begin feeling young again. Over the last few days I have read a lot of success stories from people who have lost over 100 pounds of weight. They all had the same complaints that I have now... the tired feeling all the time. Sluggish. Aching back. Sore feet. No energy. Every night I lay in bed feeling like a beached whale and praying that God will let me live to see another day. I am only 48 years old! My husband is only 59 years old! We are NOT old!!
Being a Christian I know that my focus should not be on myself but on God. I have been bouncing back and forth with this weight and appearance issue with myself. On one hand I want to feel like I did just a few years ago. On the hand I don't want to become self-absorbed. I want to live my life for God. I want to grow more and more in my walk with Him. I want to be a witness for Him.
So today I have been looking up some verses in the Bible. Is it conceited and wrong to want to look pretty? Is it ok to be overweight as long as my heart is right with God? Where should my focus be - keeping my house or working on me? How come I used to be able to do both but now I can't even seem to do one? Have I become that lazy?
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s". (1 Cor. 6:19,20 NKJ).
Right now my body is unhealthy. Because it is so unhealthy it carries over to all of me, not just the lack of energy, but the mental and emotional parts of me too. And, yes, even the spiritual part. I don't wake up full of joy and ready to face the day. I dread having to go anywhere in public. I don't walk around with a smile on my face. And there is no bounce in my step -- just tired, hurting feet shuffling along. This is not me.
I want the Holy Spirit to shine through me. I want to get my body back in shape so I have the energy to be like the Proverbs 31 Woman. As Christians we need to not put on a phoney, self-conceited appearance, but we are to look healthy, happy and have that glow that comes from living in the Lord's Will for us. Being fat, lethargic, matronly and dumpy looking is not living in the Lord's Will for us. As a Christian wife are to keep our appearance nice so our husband's eyes are not tempted to look at someone else who does take the time to make herself look presentable every morning. When non-Christians look at us, why would they want what we 'have' if we look depressed and like a wreck and grouchy all the time?
It is time to start over again on me. To take the time to make my appearance pleasing to God - inside and outside. It is time for me to start marinating my thoughts on God's Word so that as needed I am prepared to verbally witness for Him. It is time to make my body a healthy temple that the Holy Spirit can work through to use me for the Lord's Work. It is time to perfect and use the talents that God has given me to glorify Him with. I need to pull the weeds that have started to choke me, to cultivate and prune me for the new growth God has in store for me.
I live under the flight path of our local municipal airport. As you know, I love history and anything old. At the airport is an Airplane Museum and a pilot has been flying in an old WW2 plane since I have been writing this blog post. He is doing 'touch and go's'. I love the sound of that old plane as it lumbers along. The more the plane has flown over, the more you can tell it is not as stiff or choking as it was when the pilot first started flying it a little while ago. Kind of like how I will be, the more I move the more energy I will have. The more I take time to make myself presentable, the easier it will get.
I'm too young to be an old relic already.
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