90% Mental

Today I think it finally clicked. I have been struggling with getting myself in gear for losing weight. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, it has been a very real and hard struggle to get into gear. I know that I am unhealthy. I know that my life could be shortened because I am unhealthy, I hate laying in bed feeling like a beached whale, I hate the GRS (gastric reflux symptoms) I have been experiencing with more frequency, I hate not being able to wear the clothes that are cute and not tent size, I hate not being able to physically do the things I could do just 3 years ago. I know I have written "this is it, we are doing it" before. But today I felt something click.

I made a meatball stew for lunch and some homemade dinner rolls. I made just enough for Jerry and I to have one serving each. We had some sugar-free chocolate pudding for our dessert. You know something, I felt satisfied. I did not feel like I needed to lay down for an hour after I ate because I overstuffed myself. I liked having that satisfied but not full feeling after I ate. I have missed that feeling.

I have gained and lost weight before in my life. Being pregnant has a way to do that to a woman. When I had Kym and Jeff I bounced right back to my pre-pregnancy self. Bonnie, well, I had to lose about 40 pounds. It clicked when someone asked me when my baby was due and I replied "She was born a year and a half ago". Sad, but true. And then Kyle.... I have not reached pre-pregnancy weight since having him. I have lost a lot and then gained it back. Up and down and up and down. It isn't fun to carry around excess weight.

What I really hate is how other people judge you. It is always the ones who have never had a weight problem or the ones who have never been more than 15 pounds overweight. Why do they think that they can tell someone who is struggling with over 100 pounds how to do it. It is not the same. There is a whole different approach that is needed to lose 100 pounds versus 15 or even 25 pounds. Fad dieting is not the answer, either. For me, it has always been counting calories. Once I start it becomes so easy. Once I put that pencil to the paper and make the effort for one full day to count every morsal that goes into my mouth... it becomes almost addicting. When you see that you are consuming way more calories than you thought you were, it is not a chore anymore to keep measuring and writing all that you eat or drink over the next several months. It is when you quit keeping track that you fall off the wagon. That is what has always happened to me. If I write it, I am aware and make better choices. If I don't write it, it is almost like ignorance is bliss, except ignorance in this case makes your hips balloon out.

And exercise is a must. You must do more physical activity than you are used to --- everyday. If you are used to doing a lot of walking, lifting, squatting, etc., at work or through your normal day, you must add more activity. You must shake up your routine every couple of months, also, or your body becomes used to what you are doing and you reach a point where the weight is not coming off anymore. It is best to do some sort of physical activity that you enjoy, something that is fun to you. For everyone, that is something different. Don't force yourself to do something you hate just because it worked for someone else. Everybody has different likes and dislikes, and every body reacts differently in all circumstances. What worked for someone else may not necessarily work for you.

So why do I think it finally clicked today? I went to the grocery store and bought fresh produce for this week. My body and my mind started craving the feeling of health. You know -- energy, alertness, stamina, shiny hair and skin, feeling youthful again. It was more than the feeling of wishing I had those things. It was a feeling that I was already participating in becoming more fit. That I was taking action and making it happen, making getting healthy real - at that moment. I could feel the glow you have after a workout. I loved the fact that my stomach felt satisfied, yet not stretched out with an overload of recent food crammed into it.

It's always exciting when you start off on an adventure. I know it is going to take both Jerry and I time to get to our goal weight. It isn't always going to be easy. There will be days that it seems everything is coming at us and we do not have time to make healthy choices or fit in our exercise. I want us to have a long, healthy and happy marriage. I waited for 46 years to be married to this guy. Ever since I started to crawl, and maybe even sooner, I admired him from a distance. I want to enjoy our life together for as long as God will give us. We have to take major responsibility in making that happen. After all, God allows us freedom of choice. He never forces us to make the right decisions, He allows us to do that with our freewill. We can choose to take care of the bodies He gave us, or we can destroy them all to quickly with bad choices.

Losing weight and getting healthy really is 90% having it click mentally and 10% willpower.